Page 132 - Communication in Organizations Basic Skills and Conversation Models

Conflict management 121

Behaviour that evokes conflict

In this chapter we have concentrated so far on individual styles of managing conflict.
Apart from this personal style, people often show behaviour that may evoke or intensify a
conflict. Sometimes people are unaware of this kind of behaviour. In general, behaviour
that evokes or intensifies conflict is causing irritation in the other. Examples of such
behaviour include:
• holding endless monologues
• interrupting the other
• presenting excessive arguments in support of one’s own vision
• making unreasonable proposals
• using debating tricks (‘Surely you yourself believe.’ ‘Mrs X, an expert in this area,
believes’)
• asking suggestive questions.

Conflicts can also arise because people feel themselves to be personally attacked:

In our example of the conflict at Dinner Ltd, Gerald Glass would create
conflict if he addressed Freddy Fortune in the following manner:
‘Freddy, once again there is something totally wrong with your budget
for the staircase. Take a look—£30,000 pounds for ten little stairs. Don’t
you think this is unbelievable!’
Gerald’s suggestive accusation and deprecating use of words (‘once
again’, ‘totally wrong’, ‘little stairs’) cause Freddy to become irritated and
react:
‘Don’t get on your high horse, Gerald. It really looks as if you’re
having to pay it out of your own pocket.’
So, Freddy goes into a counterattack by accusing Gerald of being too
penny-pinching. This conflict could swiftly escalate because the
relationship between the debating persons and not the question under
discussion become the topic of conversation.

In order to avoid or dilute conflicts, it is best that one remains clear about one’s own
intentions, stays receptive to the ideas of the other, and avoids behaviour that provokes
irritation. Here are a number of suggestions for behaviour that may prevent the escalation
of conflict:
1 Speak in I-terms (‘I understand that…’, ‘I notice that…’).
2 Speak for yourself (‘Nevertheless, I view this differently’).
3 Ask for the other’s opinion (‘What do you think about it?’).
4 Direct the conversation to the question and not at the person (‘It involves a lot of
money’ and not ‘You’re wasting a lot of money’).
5 Do not enunciate certainties (‘Of course we all know that’).
6 Avoid the use of the words ‘always’ (‘You always think only of your own interests’)
and ‘never’ (‘You never think of the financial consequences’).
7 Keep the doors open (‘Should you wish to come back to this…’).