Page 78 - Communication in Organizations Basic Skills and Conversation Models

The personal problems interview 67

ALEX: Well, okay. This isn’t really about getting promoted. Things aren’t too good at
home…
9 HARRY: What’s wrong?
ALEX: I don’t talk about it much, but my wife left me some time ago. She’s got someone
else…
10 HARRY: Good heavens, I’m sorry. How long has this been going on?
ALEX: Well, things hadn’t been good for some time. About half a year ago she met this
bloke and two months ago she moved in with her sister, because she wants to think
things through. She doesn’t know if she wants to stay with me or with that bloke. I
feel so powerless.
11 HARRY: Hmm, I can imagine, you’re just waiting to see what they come up with.
ALEX: Right. And I might as well tell you the rest of it: because I don’t know what to
do, I often go to the pub at night and I don’t stop at three beers, if you know what I
mean. Anyway, because of all this I’m not doing well at work and I know I’m too hard
on the waiters but before I know it I’ve done it again…

Comparing the beginnings of the two fragments, we notice a difference right away. In the
first fragment Harry, after a short introduction, immediately starts asking questions like a
detective. In the second fragment he also tells Alex why he has invited him for this
conversation, but he includes a couple of concrete examples, and he makes his own
feelings clear: ‘I’m worried about it…’ This is, however, only half the basis needed for a
cooperative relation. In order to establish the other half, Harry asks Alex explicitly if he
wants to talk. Thus Alex is given the role of equal partner. You could say a contract is
closed in which both parties agree to the conversation. In the second fragment we see
Alex’s hesitant reaction. This might be caused by Harry’s last question: ‘What do you
think?’ We do see him admit to the problem. Harry takes up Alex’s hesitation and by
acknowledging it (reaction 2) he shows understanding. But he does more than that. First
he isolates this conversation from the rest of the company (‘anything said here is just
between you and me’). This is of importance to the confidentiality of the conversation. It
is important to Alex, who might think that his story could spread through the company
like wildfire. Then Harry tells Alex that he need not say anything unless he wants to. This
makes Alex feel more at ease. Contrary to the events in the first fragment, there’s no
pressure on Alex. In the course of fragment 2 we see the positive effect this often has. If
people do not try to force something out of you, but give you a chance to decide for
yourself, you are often more willing to talk.
Prior to giving Alex a chance to talk, Harry makes a few things clear. First he
mentions the amount of time available for this conversation. Of course there’s always the
possibility for further conversation should this be necessary. Then he explains to Alex
what kind of conversation he would like this to be: ‘I would like to see if we could find
out together what the problem is. Then we’ll see if we can come up with some solutions.
What do you think?’ Thus the basic outline of the conversation is marked. Alex knows
what he’s in for and is given another opportunity to make up his mind. We realize that
not everybody will lose their inhibitions and open up after such a beginning, but the
chance of cooperation increases if the other person feels he has an equal say in the matter
and is taken seriously.