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anyone else, or in the words of one of our informants, ‘It depends on how well I
know the person and how well I would like the other person to know me.’ In this
way, to give a book can be experienced as giving away a part of oneself. Such an act
reinforces a close relationship, which is based on mutual, intimate knowledge about
the other. In this way, the gift of a book becomes an acknowledgement of the close
relationship: ‘You know who I am and I know who you are.’
That some gifts of books are felt to be less intimate and personal than others is
illustrated by our informants’ discussion of the type and contents of books. In
general, people buy paperbacks for themselves and hardbacks for others. But in close
relationships the material side of the book is not as important as in distant relation-
ships. The most important thing in the former is not the type of book (paperback or
hardback) and the price, but rather the substance, the content of the book.

To begin with, with people who are really close, the form is totally unimportant;
it is the reading experience that counts. That is why I often go to second-hand
bookshops where I hunt for books that mean much to me (it is of course out of
the question that I would give away my own copy!). I hope to bring the same
sensations (not necessarily joy, because some books are supposed to disturb) that
I had when I read a particular book. Here one must adapt to the recipient, since,
for example, both politics and religion are virtual minefields that have destroyed
many a good relationship. But of course people in close relationships should be
above such worldly reasons for discord (a definition as good as any!).
When it comes to more distant relationships and ‘dutiful gifts’, of course the
form is more important, and for Christmas I raid a large bookstore (everyone gets
a book, and someone may even get a title that they really want) so that those
who think that the cover of the book is more important than the text itself will
not think that I’m being stingy. (Male, 39, electrical engineer)
The giving of a book is regarded as less important in a close relationship. The main
thing is the book’s ability to symbolize the shared, intimate relationship. However, it
should be emphasized that the material dimension is not entirely unimportant –
indeed, for birthday and Christmas presents the significance of the book’s contents
increases, as in close relationships, when the ideal giving of gifts includes generosity
as well. The norm of generosity is also reflected in the fact that magazines are consid-
ered ‘skimpy’ gifts, if they are not an expensive specialist journal, or a subscription to
a magazine.
A close relationship between two people is reinforced and becomes deeper when
the donor of a book provides the other with a key to his or her identity, to him or
herself. But this key requires mutuality: for the close relationship to survive, the
recipient must return the gift with something similar. So it is now possible to refer to
reciprocity, though not wholly in Mauss’s sense. He describes the norms of giving
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gifts as an obligation to give, receive and reciprocate. This of course is the case with
gifts between tribes or between states, as in Mauss’s analysis, whereas in close, inti-
mate relationships people do not give primarily out of a sense of obligation, but

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