Page 327 - Effective group discussion theory and practice by Adams, Katherine H. Brilhart, John K. Galanes, Gloria J

310 Chapter 11

4. Disagree with the idea but do not ever criticize the person.
Express disagreement so that it does not devalue the person with whom you
disagree. Thus, “One flaw in your proposal to shut down the snack bar is that it
does not consider the food service needs of evening students” is far superior to
“You inconsiderate bozo! What are the evening students supposed to do for
food?” Above all, no name-calling or personal attacks!
5. Base your disagreement on evidence and reasoning.
Disagreements should be reasonable and substantive, based on evidence and
reasoning. They should not be based on rumor, innuendo, unsubstantiated
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information, or emotionalism. If you have no evidence or your reasoning is
shown to be potentially faulty, agree instead of quarreling. As much as possible,
keep the conflict issue based. This has the added advantage of being more likely
to be persuasive.
6. React to disagreement in a spirit of inquiry, not defensiveness.
Group members’ reactions to argument are more important than the arguments
themselves in creating group polarization. If someone disagrees with you, do
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not react defensively as though you had been attacked personally. Keep your
mind open to others’ ideas, evaluations, and suggestions. Listen actively to your
fellow member’s remarks. Consider member motivations and expectations that
might be “behind” their comments. Be certain that the person disagreeing has
understood your position correctly, then clarify any misunderstandings, and
work together to search for the most effective solutions. In this way you can
make conflict work for rather than against the group. This may not be easy!
But it will benefit the group and you will have a clear conscience.
7. If someone persists in attacking you, stay calm and speak reasonably.
One of the biggest challenges a group member has is to respond to a personal
attack by another. The worst thing you can do is be bullied into being silent!
Instead, confront the attacking member calmly and reasonably, explaining how
you feel and what you want the other to do: “I resent your personal attacks, and I
think they are inappropriate. I am willing to listen to your objections, but I want
you to stop your attacks now.” If the attacker was caught up in the heat of the
moment, he or she may apologize and calm down. If your initial confrontation
doesn’t succeed, ask for the group’s intervention: “Do we all think personal attacks
are unacceptable behavior?” The other members, who probably are as uncomfort-
able as you, will now be encouraged to support you in confronting the attacker.
8. Use an integrative rather than a distributive approach to solving the conflict.
Assume that there is a way to satisfy, at least partially, the important needs of all
parties to the conflict. Use your energy to search for alternatives that integrate
all parties’ needs, not to destroy the other party. Act in ways that improve, not
damage, the relationship. Principled negotiation, discussed later, helps you do
that. Remember that a solution satisfying all parties will be more lasting than
one leaving one party feeling disgruntled or mistreated. Also, consider the
ethics of a person who gains pleasure from beating another in a way that
damages the group!

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