Page 100 - White Lives The Interplay of 'Race', Class, and Gender in Everyday Life

Seeing, talking, living ‘race’ 93
There was a lot of fun, and there was a lot of difference, I liked the dif-
ference, I loved it being different. And I thought it was, oh, a different
way of speaking, different thoughts, it was just very exciting. And it was,
it was sort of newness and exciting. It was quite fun. And it got away
completely from what I’d grown up with, a lot of happiness and so on.
(Interview 13)

Difference for Barbara centred around its difference from whiteness,
which she described in the interview as judgemental and unforgiving, as rep-
resenting the establishment, as ‘non-touching’, ‘non-emotional’ and ‘strict’.
Barbara shows clearly how blackness and whiteness revolve around each
other and are mutually defining. Whiteness is harsh and cold but also rep-
resents the comfort and security of conforming – Barbara felt that she had
paid a high social price for her transgressions. Blackness, or difference from
the conformity of whiteness, was exciting and dangerous. She also described
how she hated her own complexion and hair and was hoping that, by find-
ing them a black father, her children could avoid this. Here, blackness was
almost treated as a commodity with a clear biological materiality. But the
exciting difference provided by the ‘other’ also required that black people
were ‘different’ enough to be able to serve the role of enlivening whiteness.
In the following extract, Jennifer expressed regret that those non-white peo-
ple who come into her house were not different enough.

BB: And how about equally . . . are you . . . is there a similar extent
to which you are conscious of being white, or are there times
when you’re . . .?
Jennifer: No, not really. No. I think . . . no, not really. I don’t think so.
’Cos we get quite a lot of mix in the house, I think I don’t. It’s
very difficult, ’cos you don’t want to be false with them, do you?
You don’t want to . . .
BB: False with . . .?
Jennifer: Children. You know, you don’t want to go over the top at show-
ing them lots of different people. You know, ’cos they’ll just
wonder what’s she doing, why ...I don’t know. I mean, in
some ways, I wish I was ...I knew more.
BB: . . . because of differences, or literally you wish you knew more
people who weren’t white?
Jennifer: No, I wish I knew more differences, ’cos I suppose the people
that I know that are of different ethnic backgrounds are quite
white in their backgrounds, maybe.
BB: Because . . .?
Jennifer: Maybe they’ve been over here from . . . maybe they’re second
generation, maybe they’re . . . well, Mark’s [a black friend]
not... and maybe when you’re with each other, you don’t
portray that side of things. You know, maybe you’re a bit false