Page 118 - White Lives The Interplay of 'Race', Class, and Gender in Everyday Life

In search of a ‘good mix’ 111
Well, I currently feel, and of course one is learning, that it’s most im-
portant to help them to grow up as balanced and as wide-ranging in
their outlook as possible. One obviously wants one’s children to be very
happy, to be safe, to be well, these things aren’t really in our control, but
we contribute to them. And we, I think, have a large role to play in how
they enjoy life at any rate, not just in what we can give them materially,
but in what we give them emotionally. I mean, a lot of people suffer
because of emotional difficulties or deprivations of various kinds when
they’re little. So, I feel very responsible, probably too responsible, as a
parent to give my children as secure a background as I can.
(Interview 24)

In addition to this provision of emotional support, and in particular secu-
rity, Jennifer describes a more classic socialising role for herself:

Well, I mean I’m not too bothered about table manners. I mean, I was
drilled with them at home, but I mean, I would say don’t speak with
your mouth full, and if you’ve got the implements in your hand, I’m not
too bothered how you’ve got them in your hand. But more, I think, to
do with interaction with other people. You know, if somebody’s talking,
you wait till they’ve finished, or if it’s desperate, you say excuse me. You
know, when someone’s talking to you, you look at them, and tell them
that other people are shy or . . . and you must say hello first.
(Interview 25)

As was mentioned in the previous chapter, this role also involved dis-
cussing gender differences with children and guiding their development as
gendered subjects, as well as monitoring their expressions around racialised
differences. For example, in the following extract, Jan described how she
tries to counter gendered stereotypes in her children:

I think with boys, it’s much more, it’s much easier really. I think you
know what you’re aiming for, or I think I do, really. There’s the obvious
things I’m trying to combat really, like overly aggressive behaviour, or
over competitive behaviour and the things I’m trying to nurture, like
nurturing. Which is quite easy at the moment with Hugo because he’s
got a little brother. But I find it much more difficult with Zoe, when
actually, you’re not actually encouraging her to be aggressive, but to
be a bit more competitive, you know, just to take the opportunity or
whatever, to go for it.
(Interview 30)

The two issues raised in this section – of the need of children for ‘secu-
rity’ and emotional support, as well as for socialisation – will be drawn out
in other parts of the chapter. The section on schooling addresses a critical