Page 99 - Crucial Conversations

MAKE IT SAFE 81

You Try
Let's practice. Read the situations below and then come up with
your own Contrasting statements. Remember, contrast what you
don't want or intend with what you actually do want or intend.
Say it in a way that helps make it safe for the other person.
Angry roommate. You asked your roommate to move her
things in the refrigerator off your shelves and onto her shelves.
You thought it was no big deal, simply a request to share the
space evenly. You have no hidden agenda. Y o u like this roommate
a great deal. She came back with: "There you go again, telling me
how to run my life. I can't change the vacuum cleaner bag with­
out you jumping in and giving me advice."
Formulate a Contrasting statement.

I don't want _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I do want _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
T o uchy employee. You're about to talk to Jacob, an employee
who continually blows up when people try to give him feedback.
Y e sterday a coworker told Jacob that she'd prefer it if he would
clean up after himself in the lunchroom (something that every­
one else does), and Jacob blew up. Y o u've decided to say some­
thing. Of course, you'll be giving him feedback, and that's what
usually sets him off, so you'll need to be careful up front. Y o u'll
want to set the right tone and lay out the context carefully. After
all, you like Jacob a lot. Everyone does. He has a great sense of
humor and is the most competent and hard-working employee
around. If he could only be less touchy.
Formulate a Contrasting statement.

I don't want _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I do want