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204 Deborah Wheeler

question asks her whether or not she sees the Internet as a positive
force for women’s empowerment. She responds:

Well I don’t think women in Kuwait will use the Internet for
positive social change. They are lazy and would rather talk
about superficial things like make-up and fashion. Women
are also inhibited in what they say publicly to protect their
reputations.

The critical voice behind this narrative in part attacks public stan-
dards of women’s appearance in Kuwait which stress the value of a
woman in terms of her beauty. Women in Kuwait face great pressures
to conform to standards of appearance, many of which are defined and
maintained by other women. After all, it is mostly women who see
other women unveiled. It is mothers who look for potential mates for
their sons at wedding receptions and parties where large groups of
young women appear unveiled. Several times I was told by other
women that I was “getting fat, and better watch out because my hus-
band would be unhappy.” I was told by some women that I should buy
more expensive clothes, or wear more make-up because the impres-
sion someone makes through dress and appearance is very important
in this part of the world where men run things. One man, before a
meeting he set up for me with a powerful member of the ruling fam-
ily, asked me if I had to wear my glasses, and told me to dress in an ap-
pealing way, not to wear my “ethnic jewelry.” He asked me to remove
my glasses to see how I looked without them. He said, “yes that’s bet-
ter, see how beautiful you are without them.” He said that he was giv-
ing me advice as a friend, that Arab men liked to have admiration
from beautiful women. I told him that I didn’t want to date this per-
son, I wanted a professional relationship. He said, “It doesn’t hurt to
use your sensuality to get what you want.” I interpreted his words as
sexual harassment. I interpret the pressures from other women to-
wards conformity as an attempt to put chains on my individuality, my
cultural difference that stresses natural appearance and casual dress
(Southern California upbringing) and mental capacity over looks (ac-
ademia). One woman told me that she would much rather have a male
boss than a female one, because women were “back-stabbing, jealous,
and unstable. Men were predictable and easily manipulated by
women’s ways.” Such sentiments help to reinforce structures of patri-
archy and women’s subordinate place within it.
During our conversation, I tell Layla about my experiences with
Nassima, the head of the Learning Resource Center, and discuss