Page 175 - Fearless Leadership

162 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

to say. If you can recognize when you are listening against a person or
idea, you can self-intervene and turn your behavior around.
The power in fearless leadership is intervening in your automatic
behavior and making a more effective choice. I watched Zach interact with
a peer, Raoul, in a conversation about selling a major portion of the busi-
ness. Zach was becoming increasingly agitated. When he responded to
Raoul, he took accountability for the fact that he had been listening against
and said, “I need to apologize because I haven’t been listening. I had a
reaction to what you were saying and I began judging you rather than lis-
tening. I’m telling you this because I want to let go of my reaction and
genuinely hear what you have to say.”
Now I know this is not a normal conversation, but fearless leadership
is not normal behavior. Committed partners master communicating in a
way that allows them to do what Zach did. They take accountability and
“own” their behavior. They eliminate ambiguity by being forthright and
emotionally honest. Even when they are reacting, they say that they are
reacting, and they remain unwavering in their commitment to listen for
positive intention. This transparency lets people know where they stand,
increases trust, and opens the door to having “unusual” conversations
where real issues are discussed and resolved.
When you notice you are listening against, take accountability and
own your reaction. Then refocus your attention on listening for positive
intention. Move beyond the literal message and listen for what is behind
the individual’s impassioned plea, complaint, or less than clear message.
This is easy to understand but difficult to apply. In the moment when
we are listening against a person or idea, we are triggered by our need
to be right. This strong automatic behavior keeps us from hearing
another person. The first step is to intervene with yourself and ask, “Am
I more committed to being right than being effective?” Then honestly
answer this question.

100%-Zero Accountability in Action
When you do not feel heard, it is your accountability.
When others do not feel heard, this is also your accountability.