Page 176 - Fearless Leadership

Standing for the Success of Each Other 163

If someone says “You haven’t listened to me,” fight the urge to say
“I heard every word you said; in fact, I can repeat it word for word.”
Although you get to be right, the other person will not feel heard. Stop
defending your behavior and start listening. You are accountable not only
for what you say but also for how others hear what you say. Until the
other person experiences being fully heard and understood, you have
not listened.
Leaders are most powerful when they share what they are learning
with others. Learning from missteps is as important as “doing something
right.” William, the COO of a large enterprise, talked about his auto-
matic behavior of not listening or, more accurately, listening against. In
speaking to a group of leaders he said, “A trap I fall into is preaching,
telling others what they should do, and being judgmental. When I do
this with my daughters, they either shut down and stop talking, or argue
with me. When I remember to listen for positive intention, they open
up and tell me about the challenges they’re facing. I’m amazed at the
difference, and I’d like to say it’s because my daughters are behaving dif-
ferently. But the truth is it’s because I’m listening differently. My com-
mitment is to listen for positive intention with each of you. But I am
judgmental and I will fall into old behaviors. I need your help and coach-
ing when I do. Oh, and I promise not to bite your head off!”
The atmosphere of the meeting changed to laughter and warmth the
moment William talked openly about his tendency to judge and not lis-
ten. The leaders became talkative, responsive, and engaged. In essence,
William gave permission to the group to hold him accountable and no
one had to tiptoe around him. William courageously opened the door
for others to identify their own blind spots and limitations. This is fearless
leadership. William used what he learned as a way to help others learn
and grow. He led his entire organization to a new level of financial per-
formance by building a culture of accountability. His bold stand, decisive
action, and commitment to partnership were real and believable because
he walked the talk.

Let’s bring together what we know about standing for the success of oth-
ers. Committed partners conspire for each other in all matters, public