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Making Your Words Count 153

coming out of a person’s mouth!) how engaged or bored, confused
or clear, or even recalcitrant a person is.
Body language—and its connection to “reading between the
lines”—was mentioned in an earlier chapter. Hearing information
and observing the corresponding body language helps us to pick up
on what someone is really thinking and feeling. Turning inward, pay-
ing attention to your own body language, can help you to under-
stand how you come across to others and help you communicate
more effectively.
I once attended a board meeting where Sue, one of the board
members, tried to speak up in an important discussion. Sue is a bril-
liant woman with a strong engineering background. While her words
were well thought out and technically right, people were not engaged.
Some were actually nodding off and others were making their action
list for the week. I noticed that instead of looking at the people
around the table and making eye contact, Sue had her head down. To
make matters worse, she was sitting back in her chair. Sue is a small
woman, so for many people in that room she literally was invisible.
She was filling the room with words, but while her words were cor-
rect, she failed to use her body language to project the energy and
confidence she needed to engage the people around her and bring
her message home.
Recognizing and making good use of body language is one of the
hardest communication skills to master, partially because it’s the
hardest to see and understand. We all get caught up in unconscious
patterns or behaviors that are hard to recognize in ourselves and,
therefore, hard to adapt. But the nonverbal cues, while subtle, are a
big factor in whether we connect, influence, and assure the people
we’re talking to.
One way to learn how to use body language effectively is by
observing the body language of others. Next time you are in a meet-
ing or at a social engagement, look around and observe who conveys