Page 78 - Free Yourself From

Balancing Your Work and Life 61

church book fair again or stand firm that you can only help someone
else run it this year. If you are tempted to say yes, out of habit or a
reluctance to disappoint others, first remind yourself that you are
choosing to make this impromptu change and as a result, something
else on your schedule will have to go. Decide what that thing would
be and then agree that just for today you’ll let it go, or tell yourself
that you don’t want to let it go and offer up the no that you don’t like
to give, but know you need to.

A Word About NO

For some of us, no is very difficult. We want to see ourselves and be
seen as the can-do person, or we want to help out and save the day,
or we don’t like to disappoint. If saying no is too difficult for you,
maybe you need a little coaching—think of it as helping to build your
no muscle. There are books and seminars on assertiveness and any
executive coach can help with this.
Know that you can say no by saying yes. I have done that when
I feel swamped and really want to help out or support someone’s
request. I may get a call to sit on an advisory board or sit on a com-
mittee that I believe in. While I know in my heart this will take time
I don’t have at the moment, I will say that I would be happy to help
you, but can’t do it right now. I just need to finish up some top pri-
orities and then check back with me. And if you still can’t, then
think about whether you can offer the name of someone you know
who might have the time and who also would enjoy it or see an
opportunity for themselves in terms of exposure or their own career
development.
One of the participants in our leadership program for women
gave me the best no I’ve ever heard. It goes like this: “Sorry. Love to.
Can’t.” And actually, you can use those three responses in any order.
Try it and have some fun saying no!