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When Growth Is Diffi cult

In much the same way you wrap your cultural crystal around a
diffi cult person, you are “wrapping” your preparation around the
question of interpretation. You can’t predict someone else’s interpre-
tation, but you can prepare for what it might be.
Of course, diffi cult situations require fl exibility. If you fi nd yourself
lost in confl ict, one easy tactic may help you recover: just step through
each building block, one by one, starting with information.
Begin with information because it is the most objective place to
start. Open a new conversation by discussing what you need to dis-
cuss. This will include your preparation regarding clarity of the ques-
tion. By opening with the goal of the interaction and the information
required, you fi rst address the question of whether you’re talking about
the right things, so that it doesn’t muddle the discussion that follows.
A well- defi ned question at this step can save a lot of effort later in the
exchange.
Now move to situation. Here, agreement is more likely if you share
what you perceive and encourage the other person to do the same:
“Let’s take a moment to discuss the situational considerations. Here
are the contextual factors from my point of view. What are yours?”
By taking an inquisitive, nonjudgmental stance toward the other per-
son’s perceptions, you can build a shared context for understanding
the information itself. This is where clarity of the need for agreement
enters and where both of you increase your understanding of the
other’s role pressures.
As you move into interpretation, you enter a more private, more
subjective space. As you do, remember that “Here’s my interpretation.
What do you think?” is a much more useful approach than “Here’s
my interpretation and why it’s right.” Seek to understand and be
understood, rather than to convince. If you’re lucky, this will be as
far as you need to go. At this point, you’ll be able to return to your
well-defi ned question and fi nd an answer to it by considering the
commonalities between multiple interpretations.
If disagreement persists, move next to questions of approach.
Again, these conversations are best framed in exploratory terms rather

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