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Growing Your Crystal

than dictatorial ones. Start with a tentative explanation of your own
approach and then respectfully request the other person’s response:
“I’ve been called a detail person. Do you see this as a situation where
more detailed analysis is needed?” Remember that the two of you can
agree to disagree regarding your preferred approach and yet still come
to a conclusion on your well-defi ned question.
The fi nal building block, belief, is the most diffi cult to address. If
discussion of the fi rst four blocks leads to conclusion, be happy that
you can avoid this level. We’re not always fully aware of the beliefs
that drive our own actions, much less those that underlie someone
else’s. Still, if you’re pestered by a consistent disagreement beneath
the surface of your conversation, beliefs may be worth exploring.
Again, one way is to role-model your own disclosure. “I always tend
to silently assume something,” you might say. “I’m thinking that
belief may be at play here, so let me share it with you and see what
you think.” By demonstrating your own openness, you may encour-
age the other person to return the favor.

This Is Hard!
Obviously, no magic strategy can guarantee successful interactions.
Nothing in what we have discussed precludes the other person from
being diffi cult—our troubleshooting model specifi es only what you
can do. Discussing what you’re discussing won’t work every time, but
generally it improves the quality and quantity of information fl owing
in both directions and prevents certain unimportant differences from
becoming sticking points. It takes extra time and effort, but it does
become easier with practice. Whether you get the skill from a book,
a mentor, or a coach, you will undoubtedly fi nd value in the ability
to consciously isolate the various components of what was previously
a knee-jerk response and then address them appropriately.
On the other hand, while the application of this model to any trou-
blesome interaction might produce some good results, don’t lose sight
of your primary goal. From a culture-change perspective, this isn’t

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