Page 199 - Harnessing the Strengths

182 ■ Appendix: Meet the Authors

Fons: A dilemma that often comes up is the one between
rules and exceptions. Bad behavior is usually an
exception to a rule. The way in which parents react to
the mistakes made by their children says a lot about
their servant-leadership abilities. Do they deal with
their children strictly, or do they see the mistake as a
chance for improvement?
This dilemma occurs on another level. Every child
is unique and deserves to be handled in a special way.
On the other hand, there has to be rules; otherwise
you have anarchy. Thus, you are forever busy looking
for rules that apply to all your children, while at the
same time consciously making exceptions when the
situation calls for it. And you then use these excep-
tions to make the rules better.
Ed: Some rules work for one child and not at all for
another.
Fons: That’s right, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It
is only of concern if a rule doesn’t work for any of the
three. In that case, you have to take a critical look at
the rule.
Ed: Nice theory. But what does that mean in practice?
Fons: Take drugs, for example. I believe in an informative
approach. You can forbid your children to smoke until
they are 18 and promise them a car in return, but I
think it is better to give them the facts about what
happens when they smoke. We have always told our
children what the consequences are for their behavior
and for their choices. By giving them this informa-
tion, we give the possibility to freely choose for them-
selves. In this way, you encourage responsibility. But
enough about me. How is servant- leadership work-
ing for you at home, Ed?