Page 119 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart

end and the means are the same.
Win-win is not a personality technique. It's a total paradigm of human interaction. It comes from
a character of integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Mentality. It grows out of high-trust
relationships. It is embodied in agreements that effectively clarify and manage expectations as well as
accomplishments. It thrives in supportive systems. And it is achieved through the process we are
now prepared to more fully examine in Habits 5 and 6.

Application Suggestions:

1. Think about an upcoming interaction wherein you will be attempting to reach an agreement or
negotiate a solution. Commit to maintain a balance between courage and consideration.
2. Make a list of obstacles that keep you from applying the win-win paradigm more frequently.
Determine what could be done within your Circle of Influence to eliminate some of those obstacles.
3. Select a specific relationship where you would like to develop a Win-Win Agreement. Try to
put yourself in the other person's place, and write down explicitly how you think that person sees the
solution. Then list, from your own perspective, what results would constitute a win for you.
Approach the other person and ask if he or she would be willing to communicate until you reach a
point of agreement and mutually beneficial solution.
4. Identify three key relationships in your life. Give some indication of what you feel the balance
is in each of the Emotional Bank Accounts. Write down some specific ways you could make deposits
in each account.
5. Deeply consider your own scripting. Is it win-lose? How does that scripting affect your
interactions with other people? Can you identify the main source of that script? Determine whether
or not those scripts serve well in your current reality.
6. Try to identify a model of win-win thinking who, even in hard situations, really seeks mutual
benefit. Determine now to more closely watch and learn from this person's example.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood TM

Principles of Empathic Communication

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.
-- Pascal

Suppose you've been having trouble with your eyes and you decide to go to an optometrist for help.
After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.
"Put these on," he says. "I've worn this pair of glasses for 10 years now and they've really helped
me. I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these."
So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse
"This is terrible!" you exclaim. "I can't see a thing!"
"Well, what's wrong?" he asks. "They work great for me. Try harder."
"I am trying," you insist. "Everything is a blur."
"Well, what's the matter with you? Think positively."
"Okay. I positively can't see a thing."
"Boy, you are ungrateful!" he chides. "And after all I've done to help you!"
What are the chances you'd go back to that optometrist the next time you need help? Not very
good, I would imagine. You don't have much confidence in someone who doesn't diagnose before he