Page 195 - Becoming a Successful Manager

186 BUILDING ON YOUR FOUNDATION

discuss external or interpersonal confl icts. Confl icts can also be
positive or negative, so let your attitude be your guide.
An interpersonal confl ict spawns from a difference in under-
standing, expectations, perspective, or approach. In addition, dif-
ferences are inevitable because we are all unique. Our uniqueness
results from having different experiences and “baggage.” As a
result, we often view the same environment and the same experi-
ences differently. As a product of our history, we confront prob-
lems differently and have different opinions, values, and needs.
The differences multiply when working in teams with multiple
generations, diverse ethnic cultures, and a broad continuum of
technology expertise.
Those differences alone do not necessarily cause confl icts.
What causes confl icts is how we respond to and act out our dif-
ferences. Generally, a difference becomes a confl ict when it grows
emotions, becomes subjective, and gets personal. For example,
confl icts often start with comments such as “You’re wrong and
I’m right,” “You can’t do it that way,” and “I’m in charge, so we’ll
do it my way.” These are not productive. The attitudes these state-

ments reflect make resolution difficult, if not impossible.
In contrast, you can enable parties to resolve a confl ict if, as
they see the signs of a confl ict arise, you direct them to adopt and
agree to the following attitudes:

• We genuinely want to resolve our confl ict.
• We agree to separate the problem from the person.
• We’re not in confl ict; we are aligned in some way.
• We will work this through to an understanding or agreed-on
acceptance.

These attitudes suggest that confl icts are opportunities for
people to learn and either understand or accept the other’s needs,