Page 201 - Becoming a Successful Manager

192 BUILDING ON YOUR FOUNDATION

• Ask appropriate questions. Let’s use the reaction of Marvin
at the meeting in the preceding group consensus example. Mar-
vin says, “We don’t need it.” The following questions would help
resolve the confl ict:
“When you say ‘it,’ Marvin, what specifically are you refer-

ring to? That form or any tool for evaluating effectiveness?
Why?” Listen closely. Continue to ask calm, confi dent, clarify-
ing questions to help you understand why he answered as he
did. This approach to questioning helps you understand the
reason for the confl ict and how to avoid it in the future. You can
use it whenever someone uses generalizations or abstractions.

• Confront the confl icting party. Confrontations should not
be viewed as anything more than positive attempts to settle
problems. They are necessary means for resolving differences.
Let’s say April expects June to fulfi ll a promise that June made
to provide a mailing list. Several days go by and the list is not
forwarded.
It would be appropriate for April to confront June with a
statement such as, “I did not receive the list you promised to
mail yesterday. I’m sure it was an oversight, but when do you
think I can have it? It’s important that I get it as soon as pos-
sible.” As you can see, this is a confrontation, but there is noth-
ing combative about the overture.

• Pose your dissonance. Frequently, confl icts arise when a per-
son’s actions are not in harmony with his or her words. If you
experienced such disharmony with a vendor, for example, you
could pose your dissonance to your representative by restating
your expectation compared to the vendor’s actions. “I’m con-
fused. You said that you value me as a customer, but when I
come to you with a problem, I am not given the respect I believe