Page 143 - Leadership Secrets of Hillary Clinton

LEADERSHIP SECRETS OF HILLARY CLINTON

with her and it is okay, but she will always want to know why.
She wants to understand your point of view and be able to
relate to your perspective in a real rather than a superficial
way.” I think that’s an important trait of resilient leaders.
You also need to check your understanding as you are lis-
tening. We all have different filters through which we deter-
mine the meaning of what we are hearing, so it’s important
to check that what you “heard” is what the person actually
said. An easy way to do this is to paraphrase or summarize
back to the person what you think she meant and have her
validate that you are getting it right or correct you where you
may have misunderstood her. An example of this is: “Are you
saying that . . . ?” or, “I think I heard you mention three things
that you feel are critical. They are . . . Did I miss anything?”
This not only ensures that you are getting it right, but also
lets the other person know how important it is to you that
you understand what she is saying. And when the other per-
son thinks that you care enough to really understand her, she
is more likely to try to understand you in return.
Here are a few more tips for listening with intention:

• Avoid thinking about what you are going to say in
response while someone is talking to you. I know this
is hard to do, because that little voice in our head just
keeps babbling away, but you can turn it down for a
while if you are aware that it is keeping you from lis-
tening with intention.

x 132 z