Page 11 - Effective Communication Skills by Dalton Kehoe

The Magic of Everyday Communication
Lecture 1

Our cultural learning tells us that talk is about inÀ uential talk—saying
the right words in the right way. We often think of conversation as a
contest if someone disagrees with us. Our minds are wired to think of
ourselves as better-than-average in everyday situations, and when our
thoughts are challenged, we naturally think of ourselves as right. All of
these tendencies compel in us a view that talk is fundamentally simple
and that if someone doesn’t understand us, it must be their fault. But
there is a great deal more to our talk than our surface assumptions
suggest—to become better, we need to know more and blame less.

n these lectures, I hope to take talk out of the realm of the automatic
and make us all aware of what gets in the way of being effective
Icommunicators. Getting better at this vital skill is challenging but not
impossible. We will focus not only on how we perform the magic act of
speaking but also, and perhaps more importantly, on those situations where
the magic doesn’t seem to work.

Effectiveness in communication means three things: First, we got what
we wanted—a moment of positive emotional connection or a tangible
result. Second, we’ve been understood from our point of view (and that
was communicated back to us). And third, the other party seems ¿ ne with
the exchange—there were no indications of uncertainty, frustration, fear,
or anger.

You don’t generally notice all of the background structuring that makes your
talk understood. You have a picture in your mind of a particular reality that
you want to communicate. To speak, you have to quickly pull together a
collection of words whose single, clear meaning will describe your image,
and you have to assemble them into a recognizably ordered, nongraphical
message. You then utter the sound elements representing these verbal
symbols in a way that you assume the other will recognize; along with these
utterances, you also transmit a set of nonverbal gestures (hand gestures,
facial movement, and voice intonation). You send all of this to the ears

3