Page 45 - Effective communication Skills by Dale King

Not to worry, though, nonverbal empathy is the simplest part. Similar to how

body language boils down to two things, there are two parts of nonverbal
empathy: if you should be high-energy or low-energy.

When a person has high energy, they will be loud, expressive, and excited.

If a person has low energy, they will be quiet, relaxed, and reserved.

Now, high energy does not always mean that the person is happy, and low
energy does not always dictate sadness. Somebody who has won the lottery
can jump up and down and run around, or they can simply lean backward

with a satisfied smile on their face. Both of these are happy responses to
winning the lottery, but one uses high energy and the other low.

You should also remember that a person won’t always be high or low energy.
So instead of saying something like, “My friend always has high energy,” it
is more accurate to say, “My friend has high energy right now.”

So how does all of this play into empathy? If your friend is currently
displaying high energy, then you should respond with high energy. The same
goes if they are displaying low energy.

Take this, for example. You and your friend are out for dinner. Your friend

has had a long day and they aren’t as boisterous as normal. They have low
energy. But you are excited. You gush about how great the food is and you
act out in an excited and expressive way. Your friend, on the other hand, just
sits and pick at their food and wants you to settle down so that they can talk
to you.

You are high energy and they are low energy. Your friend simply wants to

have a restful evening while you are acting goofy. Since you two have a
mismatch in energy, it is harder for you to really connect with them.

If you are able to match your friend’s energy, the evening is going to go a lot
better. You should only match it and not exceed it. You aren’t trying to outdo
them. You simply want to connect with them better.

That said, it is okay to feel low energy or high energy if you need to even if
somebody else is feeling different. But once you have gotten your energy out,
it is best if you can start to match your friend’s energy.

When monitoring energy and adjusting your nonverbal communication, you

will start to find that you will connect with other people much easier. This