Page 239 - Fearless Leadership

226 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

shared skill sets. Because people understand the difference between com-
plying versus aligning, they are able to hold one another accountable for
consistent behavioral standards. Your stickability problem disappears.

Oppositional Speaking Escalates Conflict

“I disagree—now what do you have to say?” is the trademark of opposi-
tional speakers. In meetings, oppositional speaking is typified with adver-
sarial comments such as “I disagree,” “No way this will work,” or “I’m not
on board.” The reference point in oppositional speaking is “me”—how the
individual feels about what he or she is saying. Because ideas are not
treated with curiosity, a discussion can easily escalate into an argument.
When leaders engage in oppositional speaking, they have been snagged
by victim or entitlement mentality. In some cases, opposing someone or
something is the driving behavior. Everything is in the framework of us
against them, or me against everyone else. In other cases, the only point
of concern is how the decision would impact the individual.
Oppositional speaking focuses on finding the flaw and attacking what
is wrong in an idea or person in order to be right. It starts by listening
against a person or idea and is then followed by a positional statement,
which can be as simple as “I disagree.”

Oppositional Speaking
Finding the flaw and attacking what’s wrong in order to be right.

Oppositional speaking is quite noticeable in meetings in which people
defend, challenge, and argue with one another and do not seek to under-
stand one another’s views.

What Oppositional Speakers Do
• Make adversarial comments such as “I disagree,” “No way,” or
“This will never work.”
• Make assumptions and challenge ideas without understanding them.
• Invalidate and minimize others’ points of view.
• Polarize others with an either-or or black-or-white argument.
• Act as if they are right and others are wrong.