Page 91 - Fearless Leadership

78 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

Your behavior—regardless of what you intend—sends a message that
others will interpret. The same process occurs inside your mind where you
observe the behavior of others and use small trigger features to form
assumptions and make judgments.
Let’s examine each step of the automatic listening model in Exhibit 3-
1 and see how assumptions are formed and locked in place.

1. Something happens. Automatic listening starts with an event,
a situation, or a behavior. Your mind notices the trigger
feature—a small aspect of a larger situation—and you begin
to wonder. Wondering is the first stage of doubt and casts
suspicion. In the case of Fred, a handful of employees noticed
trigger features—frowning, grunting, and a sarcastic remark—
and began wondering.
2. You have a reaction. Reactions take the form of emotions,
such as concern, annoyance, or frustration. Instinctive
responses happen quickly and automatically in the same way
you have fight-or-flight reactions. People reacted to Fred’s
behavior with trepidation: “Oh no, here he goes again—
we need to protect ourselves.”
3. You form a judgment. The mind forms a judgment and
infers meaning from the trigger features. The judgment of
Fred was that he had a hair-trigger temper and was “going to
rip someone’s head off.”
4. You make up a story. Once a judgment is formed, you
make up a story that is consistent with your point of view.
For example: “Something happened at the Board meeting—
Fred is in trouble” or “Fred is in a bad mood, and he’s going to
take it out on us.” The story may be simple or elaborate, but it
fulfills its purpose, which is to explain the behavior or situation.
5. You search for evidence. Your mind then searches for past
evidence to prove you are right. For example: “Fred always
acts this way when he is upset.” The mind references a past
experience and provides weight for the inference. The story
may be further embellished with past evidence: “Last quarter
Fred had a run-in with the Board, and he flew off the handle