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Cross-cultural communication in intimate relationships 353

The same competition can be observed on Russian mail-order bride websites,
where Russian women, who are relative newcomers to the scene, with the indus-
try only dating from the end of the Cold War, are positioned vis-à-vis Asian
women: “Western men see Russian women as more mature and usually more edu-
17
cated than their Asian counterparts”. However, their main competitive edge
seems to be their race: Russian women are similarly exoticized as Asian women,
but they have the added bonus of being White: they “have a European face but the
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patience of an Asian”. Similarly, a feature in the Sydney Morning Herald Maga-
zine entitled “Reds in the beds” (Phelan 2000) described Russian mail-order
brides as “sexy, willing […] Olgas, Svetlanas, and Natashas.” The “earthy, exotic
soul of Russian women [is said to be] very attractive, partly because the Russians
have a much more traditional approach to relationships and forming a comfortable
home life”. In sum, “here are exotic white women who know their place”.

Filipinos

The emasculation of Asian men is a frequent trope in Orientalist discourse (Mar-
chetti 1993; Spurr 1993; Pennycook 1998), and mail-order bride websites are no
exception. In the same way that Filipinas are everything that Western women are
not, Western men are everything that Filipinos are not, as in this example:

We, being Filipinas in general, think of Western gentlemen, particularly Western
European and North American men as God-fearing, hardworking, and deserving of
much love, respect, and admiration. Please understand this the right way, but frankly
we take pleasure in being submissive to the reasonable demands of our husband.
Western men make us feel comfortable, and even protected, as we naturally look to
Western men for high moral and spiritual integrity. Ok, so we like taller guys and
Western features, maybe because of movie heroes. Too many boys here playboy,
drinker, gambler, and abuser. American (USA & Canada) man have reputation of
treating wife in good manner. 19
Indeed, the fear of (sexual) abuse and violence which the anonymity of the in-
ternet engenders, and which is well-founded given the high incidence of inter-
national sexual exploitation (see above), is always present on these websites.
However, it is banished in two ways: either it is projected on scamming com-
petitor websites or, more frequently, on foreign men. In addition to projecting
fears, negative representations of non-Western men also allow the Western
suitor to take up another traditional male subject position, namely that of the
knight-in-shining-armor who comes to the rescue of the damsel-in-distress. Nu-
merous male advertisers mention their abhorrence of women being mistreated,
for example: “I am searching for a Life Partner. I can and will offer her my
understanding and love. I am very responsible and loving and I don’t like it
when a man mistreats a woman. I am looking for a woman that I can give all of
my love to […]”. 20