Page 140 - The Power to Change Anything

Surpass Your Limits 129

This capacity to tell ourselves the right story about problems
and setbacks is particularly important when we’re already bet-
ting against ourselves. When faced with a setback, we need to
learn to say, “Aha! I just discovered what doesn’t work,” and not,
“Oh no! Once again I’m an utter failure.” We need to inter-
pret setbacks as guides, and not as brakes.
Initially, failure signals the need for greater effort or persist-
ence. Sometimes failure signals the need to change strategies
or tactics. But failure should rarely signal that we’ll never be
able to succeed and drive us to pray for serenity. For instance,
you find yourself staring at a half-eaten ice cream cone in your
hand. Should you conclude that you’re unable to stick with
your eating plan so you might as well give up? Or should you
conclude that since it’s hard to resist when you walk past the
ice cream parlor on your way home from work, you should
change your route? The first conclusion serves as a discourag-
ing brake on performance, whereas the second provides a cor-
rective guide that helps refine your strategy.

BUILD EMOTIONAL SKILLS

Let’s end our exploration into self-mastery where we began.
Henry is staring down at his half-opened chocolate bar. His
eyes, lips, and taste buds are prodding his brain to satisfy their
demands. He wants chocolate. To see if Henry is doomed—or
if he can learn a skill to help him delay gratification—let’s turn
to research that helps us better understand the original marsh-
mallow study.
Contemporary research reveals that human beings operate
in two very different modalities, depending on the circum-
stances. However, as Mischel and Bandura informed us, these
modalities or systems are viewed less as character traits or
impulses and more as behaviors that can be regulated through
skill. The first of these two operating modalities is referred to
by contemporary theorists as our “hot” or “go” system. It helps