Page 143 - The Power to Change Anything

132 INFLUENCER

moments. If only we could learn how to wrestle control away
from the amygdala when it’s kicking in hard at the wrong time.
Then perhaps we could be ruled by reason, and not let passion
take charge. The good news is that this powerful self-manage-
ment skill is learnable. And if you want to equip yourself or oth-
ers to survive the tide of opposing emotions, this skill is pivotal.

KICK-START OUR BRAIN

To learn how to take charge of our “go” system, let’s return to
the marshmallow studies. Once Mischel and others had divided
their research subjects into “grabbers” and “delayers,” they
turned their attention to transforming everyone into a delayer.
What would it take to help people survive immediate tempta-
tions in order to achieve long-term benefits? More impor-
tantly, they wanted to avoid the mistake of relying on verbal
persuasion by simply telling people to gut it out, or to “show
some self-control!” Instead, they wanted to teach people the
skills associated with emotional management. But what were
these skills?
Mischel discovered through a series of experiments with
varied age groups and rewards that if subjects didn’t trust that
the researcher would actually return and give them the longer-
term reward, they wouldn’t delay. Why hold out only to be dis-
appointed? Similarly, if subjects believed that they wouldn’t be
able to do what it took to withstand the short-term temptation,
they also wouldn’t delay. In short, Mischel confirmed what
Bandura taught us earlier. People won’t attempt a behavior
unless: (1) they think it’s worth it, and (2) they think they can
do what’s required. If not, why try?
In his original experiments, Mischel had observed that chil-
dren who were able to delay gratification were better at distract-
ing themselves from thinking about either the short- or the
long-term reward. Delayers managed their emotions by distract-
ing themselves with other activities. They avoided looking at