Page 145 - The Power to Change Anything

134 INFLUENCER

Another effective way to manage emotions is to argue with
your feelings. Psychologists call this particular strategy cogni-
tive reappraisal. When emotions come unbidden through the
“go” system, they can be dragged into the light of the “know”
system by activating skills only the “know” system can do. To
do this, call out to your frontal lobe by asking it to solve a com-
plex problem. That’s right. If you ask your brain to work on a
question that requires more brain power than the amygdala can
muster, this mental probe can help kick in the know system and
restore normal thought.
To start the reappraisal process, distance yourself from your
need by labeling it. (I have a craving for a cream-cheese-cov-
ered bagel. Bad.) Debate with yourself about it by introducing
competing thoughts or goals (What I really want is to be proud
of myself after lunch when I write down what I ate). Distract
yourself (conjure up a potent image of the feeling you have
when your belt feels loose). Or delay. That’s right—the “go”
system can often be outwaited.
For example, as a strategy to help obsessive-compulsives
cope with their tendencies, therapists teach them to wait 15
minutes before giving in to a maddening mental demand—
such as washing their soap-worn hands for the hundredth time
in eight hours. In the moment, we often believe that our emo-
tions will not subside until they’re satisfied. This turns out not
to be true. If you delay your urge, within a fairly short period
of time the brain returns control to the “know” system, and dif-
ferent choices become easier.
Active strategies such as classifying, debating, deliberating,
and delaying can help change what you think. They do so by
changing where you think. Your “know” system starts to kick
in, and you transfer control from the amygdala to the frontal
lobe. Once you change where you think, you change how you
think, which in turn changes what you think. You’re now able
to carefully contemplate, ruminate, and take a longer-term
view.