Page 126 - Free Yourself From

Forming Your Own Board of Directors 109

It’s understandable why some women might have difficulty build-
ing relationships for specific purposes. As young girls, we were social-
ized to include everybody in our play activities, and the worst things
you could be labeled on the playground were a “user” or a “phony.”
Boys seemed less likely to vilify one another for being pragmatic
about their relationships. So men are more likely to view relationships
as transactional—they’re okay connecting with someone for the sim-
ple purpose of getting something done, or having someone connect
with them that way.
Women feel a need to connect and are less comfortable reaching
out and building a network of relationships with people with whom
they might have nothing in common. Some will tell me it seems too
superficial. Others are too accustomed to being the capable nurturer to
feel comfortable asking for help. Others worry about whether they
deserve the boost or favor they’re asking for and believe they’ll be
asked to justify or prove themselves to have it granted.
So, how do you get over these fears of rejection, of being unfairly
labeled, or doing something unacceptable? When we talk about build-
ing strategic relationships in our WILL program, we ask the women
participants to ask themselves how they view and use their relation-
ships. After they begin to answer the following questions, they real-
ize they are not as focused on building and fostering the right
relationships for their own benefit and success. Here are a few ques-
tions that you can answer to better understand how well you are
using your relationships around you.

1. Do you normally try to do and conquer things on your
own, or do you reach out to others, even though it means
you might not be able to own all the success and glory?

2. In your work, do you have a broad network of
acquaintances or a few very close relationships?