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Clarity Within Relationships

Define Your Approach

PREPARE THE WHO, WHAT, AND HOW OF YOUR INTERACTION

• Who: decide which person you plan to approach for an answer to
your well-defi ned question.
• What: determine a way to open the conversation by inviting edits
to your current understanding, rather than simply asking an open-
ended question.
• How: plan how you’ll pace the interaction and how much attention
you’ll give to issues of task and deadline versus people and
relationships so you can match the other person’s tendencies.

Second, prepare to focus on the same elements of conversation as
the other person. If your target is someone who tends to discuss tasks,
projects, facts, and deadlines, then be ready to discuss those issues.
Or if you know that he or she usually takes a keen interest in the
people and human relationships involved, prepare yourself to discuss
those topics. Again, if you’re unsure as to which way things will go,
prepare both aspects well so that you can go in whatever direction
the ultimate discussion calls for.
As you can see, the three aspects of your approach—who, what,
and how—are worthy of your time and consideration. They are also
worth putting down on paper. By defi ning your approach in writing,
you’re preparing your interaction—a link in your network—to be as
effective as possible. Now you not only have a burning question but
an avenue through which to fi nd an answer.

3. Define Your Need for Agreement

The last step in seeking clarity is to defi ne your need for agree-
ment. Even with a well-defi ned question and a carefully thought-out
approach, the issue of agreement can be a huge stumbling block—and
a tremendous distraction—when it comes to seeking clarity. Often,

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