Page 81 - Make Work Great

Clarity Within Relationships

The exchange might leave both feeling misunderstood and frustrated
with each other and end up damaging their relationship.
The important point here is not to determine whether the outcome
of the conversation will be “good” or “bad” but to realize that the
topic of conversation has shifted because of an unstated assumption.
Ann started out seeking clarity regarding a specifi c resource ques-
tion: one extra week of an employee’s time. But the dialogue quickly
turned into a discussion about the value of the project. The subtle but
important twist is that both managers began acting as though they
were required to agree over the value of the project in order to make a
decision about the shared resource. Both Ann and Gina did what felt
natural: they went where the conversation led them. Unfortunately,
it led them away from the real point of needed clarity.
Ann’s question was well defi ned, but she would have benefi ted
from defi ning her need for agreement at the outset. She needed to
be clear—with herself at least, and probably with Gina as well—
that the only agreement she needed was about the extra week of the
employee’s time. Any agreement beyond that simply wasn’t necessary.
Imagine what would happen if her last line in the preceding dialogue
were replaced with this one:

ANN: We were careful to include multiple population samples, and
I have data that we could go over if you like. But we seem to
be switching topics. For the moment, perhaps we can agree to
disagree about the overall value of the project and return to
my original question about borrowing your team member next
week. Is there any reason that would be a problem?

Agreeing to disagree is a powerful tool when it comes to seeking clarity.
Clarity is often different from agreement, as in this case. Whether or not
Ann and Gina choose to have the conversation about the value of Ann’s
project, and whether or not they ultimately agree on that value, the
question of resource sharing still requires its own clarity. Ann’s original
question—“Can I have your employee’s help for one more week?”—is a
valid one, which she needs answered so she can move forward.

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