Page 211 - Microaggressions in Everyday Live Race, Gender, and Sexual Orientation

Sexual-Orientation Microaggressions and Heterosexism 185

gain intimacy with them. Deep down, I knew “ the unspeakable truth, ” that I
was a gay man . . . Yet I had a deep - seated fear of how the process of coming out
would impact relationships with my family . . . . After coming out, my worst fears
initially came true. I lost the support of my parents and initially did not have
contact with them. . . . Ultimately, the relationship settled into an uncomfortable
silence about my life as a gay man. “ Don ’ t ask, don ’ t tell ” was the only way to
maintain a connection with them. (O ’ Brien, 2005, pp. 97 – 98)

“ Closeted, ” “ hiding, ” “ silence, ” “ fear, ” “ denial, ” “ shame, ” “ self - struggle, ” and
“ self - hate ” seem to be a few of the words and concepts voiced from these two
narratives of a lesbian woman and gay man. More than intellectual con-
cepts, however, the voices are filled with the hurts, pains, fears, and real life

consequences of being LGBT in a heterosexist society (Barret & Logan, 2002;
Croteau, Lark, & Lance, 2005). The LGBT sexual-orientation reality is different
from the sexual-orientation reality of heterosexuals (straights). It is often
difficult for straights to understand the differences in experiential realities

because of societal and personal aversions to recognizing LGBTs, the collu-
sive silencing of their voices, and the fears of repercussions from “ coming out ”
that keep them hidden from public view. The brief statements by Douce (2005)
and O ’ Brien (2005) illustrate a few of these realities.
First, “ hiding ” and living in the closet represent times or situations in
which an LGBT person chooses not to disclose his/her sexual orientation
to others, often for fear of retaliation or loss of social support (Fukuyama,
Miville, & Funderburk, 2005). One of O ’ Brien ’ s greatest fears is the loss of
parental support and/or the altering of his relationship with family members
(being unable to speak on certain taboo topics). Other fears, as pointed out by
Douce, involve being scorned, isolated, seen as depraved and sinful, losing a
job, or not being promoted because of antigay attitudes, or even experiencing
antigay harassment and hate crimes (Blank & Slipp, 1994). In our heterosexist
society, there are powerful negative consequences to “ coming out. ”
Second, struggling with sexual identity in a heterosexual society causes
identity conflicts and confusion in LGBTs as they grow up with societal mes-

sages telling them that to be gay is to be deviant. Such messages can be quite
overt or subtle/covert (Szymanski, 2009). If “ normality ” is equated with being
straight, then experiencing same - sex attractions or bisexual attractions would
be considered abnormal and even against the religious teachings of the church
(Morrow & Beckstead, 2004). As LGBT boys and girls are constantly exposed to

1/19/10 6:12:54 PM
c09.indd 185 1/19/10 6:12:54 PM
c09.indd 185