Page 24 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart

dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through the issues and problems of
my life.
If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own. Mentally, I could think
my own thoughts, I could move from one level of abstraction to another. I could think creatively and
analytically and organize and express my thoughts in understandable ways. Emotionally, I would be
validated from within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would not be a function of
being liked or treated well.
It's easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence. Independence is a major
achievement in and of itself. But independence is not supreme.
Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of many
individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a
pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.
Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of many
individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a
pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.
But much of our current emphasis on independence is a reaction to dependence -- to having others
control us, define us, use us, and manipulate us.
The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack of dependence, and
therefore, we find people often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning their children,
and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility -- all in the name of independence.
The kind of reaction that results in people "throwing off their shackles," becoming "liberated,"
"asserting themselves," and "doing their own thing" often reveals more fundamental dependencies that
cannot be run away from because they are internal rather than external -- dependencies such as letting
the weaknesses of other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimized by people and events out
of our control.
Of course, we may need to change our circumstances. But the dependence problem is a personal
maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances. Even with better circumstances, immaturity
and dependence often persist.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our
dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the
ultimate goal in effective living.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do
not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they
won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence
necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.
Life is, by nature, highly interdependent. To try to achieve maximum effectiveness through
independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club -- the tool is not suited to the reality.
Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept. If I am physically interdependent, I
am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can accomplish far more
than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great
sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love
from others. If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people
to join with my own.
As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with
others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose
to become interdependent. They don't have the character to do it; they don't own enough of
themselves.