Page 42 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart

can change.
The proactive approach is to change from the Inside-Out: to be different, and by being different, to
effect positive change in what's out there -- I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be
more creative, I can be more cooperative.
One of my favorite stories is one in the Old Testament, part of the fundamental fabric of the
Judeo-Christian tradition. It's the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers
at the age of 17. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a
servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn't have?
But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running
Potiphar's household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high.
Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his
integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for 13 years. But again he was proactive. He
worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having, and soon he was running the prison and
eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.
I know this idea is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for many people. It is so much easier to blame other
people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible --
"response-able" -- to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be,
on what we are.
If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife's sins?
By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative
situation. I also diminish my ability to influence her -- my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only
makes her feel validated in her own weakness. My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to
correct. My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies.
If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control --
myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. I can focus on being
a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. Hopefully, my wife will feel the
power of proactive example and respond in kind. But whether she does or doesn't, the most positive
way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being.
There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence -- to be a better listener, to be a more
loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee.
Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like
unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will
never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We
can be happy and accept those things that at present we can't control, while we focus our efforts on the
things that we can.

The Other End of the Stick

Before we totally shift our life focus to our Circle of Influence, we need to consider two things in our
Circle of Concern that merit deeper thought -- consequences and mistakes.
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions.
Consequences are governed by natural law. They are out in the Circle of Concern. We can decide to
step in front of a fast-moving train, but we cannot decide what will happen when the train hits us.
We can decide to be dishonest in our business dealings. While the social consequences of that
decision may vary depending on whether or not we are found out, the natural consequences to our
basic character are a fixed result.
Our behavior is governed by principles. Living in harmony with them brings positive
consequences; violating them brings negative consequences. We are free to choose our response in any