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HR PRACTICES AND PROCESSES THAT MAKE SUSTAINABLE VALUES STICK 61

member of the team. I oversaw the work in large part by guiding various team mem-
bers on how to elicit and receive feedback in a non-defensive manner. In the smaller,
paired settings, this proved much more effective.
A third ritual in this overall approach to transparency and straight talk also involved
small groups of individuals: 360-degree feedback. The practice is so widespread
among companies today that it needs little explanation. Two to four times a year (ini-
tially more frequently, later less so), team members receive feedback from a supervi-
sor, a direct report, and a peer. The focus of these 360-feedback sessions was on
personal as well as professional growth, something of an anomaly in the use of this
human resources mechanism but well suited to a values-centric company.
One final ritual that bears mentioning in our discussion of transparency and straight
talk involves the company’s anti-triangulation policy. Melaver, Inc., like most any
other company, has had its share of indirect talk among staff members. Some of that
was motivated by an unwillingness for parties to address each other directly, a natural
fear of confrontation one finds in many social contexts. Another, more harmful moti-
vating factor was that people created affinities for one another by bad-mouthing a third
and absent party. Needless to say, such behavior can be extremely disruptive and
unproductive. The company, after much discussion, instituted an anti-triangulation
policy that basically holds staff members responsible for speaking directly to one
another rather than via an intermediary. If one does use the resources of an intermedi-
ary, it is expected that direct discussion between parties will occur within twenty-four
hours of the mediated conversation.
As a foursome of rituals, peer coaching, continues–starts–stops, 360-degree
reviews, and anti-triangulation all focused on the complex of communication skills
that have to do with self-assessment and feedback. Melaver employees may be
focused and passionate, but they have the same issues I find in most companies.
People talk, they do not feel heard. People hear what supports their own point of view.
The most important part of leadership and management is how we say what we say,
for it impacts every aspect of performance at work. People often spend their time and
energy in reaction mode. We have a difficult time producing if our communications
are not productive. And that challenge of communicating productively leads to the
critical art of soliciting feedback.

FEEDBACK
In our personal relationships we receive feedback from those we care most about.
Often those are the people to whom we listen poorly. Why is that? Perhaps we have
heard it before, or perhaps we are threatened by the message.
It could be that we are defensive when told how we impact others. We want to be
understood, and we want to be right. We hate being told when we do something wrong
(in another person’s view). In these situations, it’s important to remember that all we
need to do is listen and acknowledge the other point of view, even if we disagree with
what is said. When receiving feedback, we can simply say, Thank you for sharing with
me how you feel or Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Easy to say, hard to do—and