Page 83 - The Green Building Bottom Line The Real Cost of Sustainable Building

62 CHAPTER 2

hardest when we feel judged by the other person’s comments. At those times, we need
to breathe deeply, monitor ourselves in the present moment, and listen attentively.
Receiving feedback is a skill that takes considerable practice. We might try telling our-
selves this feedback may be a gift as we try to determine if there is some truth to what
is being said. We can try to look for concrete advice on ways to improve our behavior
or reaction. We often react in a righteous manner that says, Who is he to tell me that?
Or, She is not so perfect; she has faults too. The truth is that every person has some-
thing to say in response to what we do and say.
At Melaver, I spend considerable time coaching people to ask for feedback, to
accept what they hear as someone else’s perspective, and to try to listen and learn
rather than be defensive. Coaching can help people understand that knowing how oth-
ers perceive our behaviors is helpful because it tells us how we impact others. Being
coached to invite and accept feedback is a good learning tool that models receptive-
ness and opens the door to data that allow us to decide if we will change to more pro-
ductive behaviors. We want our leaders to be consistent in the way they lead and treat
others. Feedback points out our inconsistencies in how we behave with different peo-
ple. We can look at the root cause underlying some of those behaviors. When there is
a gap in perception between what you and your colleagues think, it is time to under-
stand how to close that gap.
I find that some leaders resist this process because hearing what others have to say
is risky business for their egos. What if someone has issues with your style of man-
agement, or what if someone rates you as a poor listener? If someone is rated lower
than they expect on an assessment, that person might ask who provided the feedback
so he or she can argue that the results were skewed for some rational reason related to
that individual.
I find myself telling leaders they cannot talk their way out of perceptions others
have formed about them based on their behaviors. Feedback certainly brings this home.
It also tells you where you measure up in positive ways. Thus the goal is to look for-
ward to hearing all the positives people have to say. When working with Melaver’s
management team, I facilitated exercises that led to the team understanding the barri-
ers to listening that arise when we are more focused on wanting to be heard. Were
team members listening with openness to learn what others were thinking, or were
they listening to defend their position or with a closed view or perception? I find it
helpful to ask team members to try to monitor their thought processes in real time,
according to the examples in Table 2.1.

TABLE 2.1 EXAMPLES OF LISTENING

OPEN CLOSED

I can hear what he is saying. How dare he think that way?
Perhaps her ideas have merit. She has no credibility with me.