Page 231 - Use Your Memory

REMEMBERING NAMES AND FACES
The method is the same as that which you might find described in
a book of etiquette, yet even writers of etiquette books often fail to
realise that the original rules were made not simply to enforce
rigid disciplines but to allow people to interact on a friendly basis,
the rules being structured formally only in order to enable the
people to meet and remember one another. Select from the follow-
ing Social Etiquette Memory Steps those that will most help you.
The Social Etiquette Memory Steps
1 Mental set. Before you enter a situation in which you will meet
people, mentally prepare yourself to succeed and not to fail. Many
people enter such situations 'knowing' that they have a bad
memory for names and faces and consequently set about proving
it to themselves. If you 'know' that your memory is going to
improve, you will notice immediate improvement. When prepar-
ing yourself for meeting people, try to make sure that you are as
poised and relaxed as possible and, also, that wherever possible
you have given yourself a two- to five-minute break for
preparation.
2 Observe. When you are meeting people, make sure you look
them straight in the eye. Don't shuffle around, with your eyes on the
floor or looking into the distance. As you look at someone's face, be
aware of the special facial characteristics, for this will help you also
in the second mnemonic approach to the memorisation of names
and faces. On pages 136 to 138 there is a 'guided tour' from the top
of the head to the tip of the chin, enumerating the various character-
istics and the ways in which they can be classified and typified. The
more you become skilled at the art of observation, the more you will
realise just how different one face is from another.
If you can sharpen your observational powers, you will have
made a giant step toward the improvement of your memory. Blank
looking, instead of real seeing, is one of the major causes for poor
memory.
3 Listen. Consciously listen, paying attention as much as you
possibly can to the sound of the name of the person to whom you
are being introduced. This is a crucial stage of the introductory
process, at which point many people fail because they were con-
centrating more on the fact that they were going to forget than on
the sound of the name of the person to whom they were being
introduced.
4 Request repetition. Even if you have heard the name fairly well,
politely say something in the order of 'I'm sorry, would you mind
repeating the name?' Repetition is an important memory aid; each