Page 140 - White Lives The Interplay of 'Race', Class, and Gender in Everyday Life

In search of a ‘good mix’ 133
So I’m not sure really, what. I mean this child is a black child and wheth-
er that’s got anything to do with it or not I don’t know. And funnily
enough, none of her immediate friends who come to the house are black
children. Yes, although she’s very friendly, particularly with Ruby. So
whether that’s got anything to do with it I really don’t know.
(Interview 43)

The practice was not determined by who her daughters spend time with in
school. What was important was to find families to spend time with that ‘do
things that both families might enjoy doing’. Thus, out-of-school socialising
was not just a matter of passing time or childcare, but involved the whole
family. This demanded that the families were similar enough and had enough
in common to want to spend time together. ‘Race’ and class were important
factors in this, as Liz explained:

But I mean it’s very clear that, you know, one is culturally very different
from another group of people. Racially, culturally very different. But
obviously we mix, but we don’t understand each other at all well. You
know, so I think we, you know, I’m very well aware of the fact that black
families here and, sadly not many of them [are friends], because they
have a very different cultural life to mine. You know, and black families
that one does have anything much to do with are middle-class black
families, you know and at the moment there aren’t that many of them. I
mean, hopefully there will be more . . . you know in the near future. But
you know, one does mix with people who are socially . . . much, and I
think that’s more of a binding factor than race, actually.
(Interview 43)

Children’s socialising mattered not just in terms of quantity, but also qual-
ity, as Liz explained in the following extract, again showing how music can
be a sensitive barometer of class:

I suppose sometimes I think . . . that it would be nice if the girls per-
haps had the opportunity to mix more with children who perhaps had
a slightly broader experience. You know, I’m not saying that what the
children offer at the school they go to isn’t very valuable, but it’s quite
limited often. [. . .] In terms of what they’ve done or what they’ve expe-
rienced or . . .. But maybe that’s foolish as well. I mean one of the things
that Susanna does is music. She’s quite a talented pianist. I don’t think
any of her friends play the piano or are involved in music or ever go to
concerts or anything with their families. Mind you, I don’t expect 8 year
olds sit down and discuss what theatre they saw with their parents last
night or which, which piece they’re doing, ...but... you know, some-
times that crosses my mind. And I think well, maybe they are mixing
with fairly limited, with children with reasonably limited experience.