Page 104 - Becoming a Successful Manager

Listening—Really Listen and You Will Hear More than Words 95

you can see, you must be a sensitive listener to decipher underlying
emotional messages; you have to hear more than the words.
Let’s analyze the remaining three statements on the list to
discover what emotional undercurrents reside in them.

Statement: Why is it every time we make an appointment to get
together, the meeting gets canceled?
Emotional undercurrent: The employee is frustrated and
feels undervalued and unimportant. The employee wants
your undivided attention and feels entitled to it.
Acknowledgment: Instead of countering with the reasons
why you have had to cancel each of your previously
scheduled meetings, inform the speaker that you
recognize the underlying message. Affi rm that the
employee is a valuable part of your team and that, in the
future, you will strive to keep your appointments without
interruptions. Back up this promise with action.
Statement: What do I have to do to gain some appreciation
around here?
Emotional undercurrent: The speaker feels taken for
granted and believes that his or her hard work and
successful efforts are not properly credited. Not feeling
valued has made the employee angry.
Acknowledgment: State that you do indeed value the
person and the person’s contributions to your department.
Reinforce this statement with private and public
commendations of the employee’s performance. Ask what
actions on your part might make the employee feel more
appreciated.

The fi nal statement is a variation of the previous one and car-
ries a similar hidden message: I don’t know whether you realize it,