Page 64 - Appreciative Leadership

The Wisdom of Inquiry 37

Peter: That is a very diff erent approach.

Diana: Yes, when you flip problems and ask about what you really
want, two things happen. One, people learn what it is that

you stand for as a leader. They learn what you expect of
them. In your case it is “Engaged Membership.” And two,
you get more of want you want. When people know what
is wanted and expected for success, they do it.

As Diana demonstrated, The Flip is a way to turn critical com-

ments, frustrating issues, and problems into affirmative questions. It is

as simple as 1, 2, 3:
1. When presented with a complaint or a problem, listen carefully.
Repeat what was said to be sure both that you understand it and
that the other person feels heard.
2. Ask, “What is it that you really want? I understand that you are
not happy with the way things are, but tell me what is it that you
want instead?”

3. Reflect what you heard—The Flip. Describe what the person
really wants in a two- or three-word phrase—an affi rmative topic.

Key to a successful flip is the question: “What do you really want?”
We suggest that you practice asking it of yourself, as well as asking it

of others. The more you practice this, the clearer you and others will
become about what it is that you really do want, and the easier it will be
to learn, change, and create the work and personal life in that image.
You may be thinking, “Sure, this is great, but what about the
cynic who just complains and complains?” It seems that every
work group has at least one. Consultant Peter Lange reminds his
clients that “behind every cynical statement is a dream wanting to
be expressed.” He explains that when people are being cynical or
critical, they are comparing the current situation with an ideal—
something they have seen, heard, or imagined. He suggests that
the best way to respond to a cynical or critical statement is to fi rst