Page 20 - Crucial Conversations

a meeting with four coworkers and you're trying to pick a new
marketing strategy . You've got to do something different or your
company isn't going to hit its annual goals. Third, emotions run
strong. You're in the middle of a casual discussion with your
spouse and he or she brings up an "ugly incident" that took place
at yesterday's neighborhood block party. Apparently not only did
you flirt with someone at the party, but according to your spouse,
"You were practically making out." You don't remember flirting.
You simply remember being polite and friendly. Your spouse
walks off in a huff.
And speaking of the block party, at one point you're making
small talk with your somewhat crotchety and always colorful
neighbor about his shrinking kidneys when he says, "Speaking of
the new fence you're building . . . " From that moment on you
end up in a heated debate over placing the new fence-three
inches one way or the other. Three inches! He finishes by threat­
ening you with a lawsuit, and you punctuate your points by men­
tioning that he's not completely aware of the difference between
his hind part and his elbow. Emotions run really strong.
What makes each of these conversations crucial-and not sim­
ply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying-is that the
results could have a huge impact on the quality of your life. In each
case, some element of your daily routine could be forever altered
for better or worse. Clearly a promotion could make a big differ­
ence. Your company's success affects you and everyone you work
with. Y o ur relationship with your spouse influences every aspect of
your life. Even something as trivial as a debate over a property line
affects how you get along with your neighbor. If you handle even a
seemingly insignificant conversation poorly, you establish a pattern
of behavior that shows up in all of your crucial conversations.
By definition, crucial conversations are about tough issues.
Unfortunately , it's human nature to back away from discussions
we f e ar will hurt us or make things worse. We're masters at avoid­
ing these tough conversations. Coworkers send email to caI.:h