Page 186 - Effective Communication Skills Mastery Bible 4 Books in 1 Boxset by Tuhovsky, Ian

metaprogram usually focus on their benefits as opposed to

people with the “others” metaprogram, which mainly pay

attention to what other people’s benefits will be.

This metaprogram is very easy to recognize. Asking people

what benefits are the most important to them, you’ll notice that
some people talk mainly about themselves or about other

people, their loved ones, for example. Someone focused on

“me” will say, “I want to be happy about it,” “I’m doing it for

myself,” or, “I need this.” Someone with “others”

metaprograms will say, “I want other people to like it,” “I care
about the opinion of my friends,” “My wife has to accept it,”

or maybe, “I won’t buy this product—I like it but I’m

concerned about the environment.”

Once you recognize which direction this person takes, use it

to talk about the benefits for that person or about the benefits

for people from their surroundings.

Recognition of metaprograms is very easy—you just need

to ask the right questions and carefully listen to the

answers. In most cases, these questions are not even

necessary, because usual conversations quickly reveal
particular patterns.

Remember that metaprograms are, after all, mainly about

generalizations. If you recognize particular metaprograms in

someone, it obviously doesn’t mean they will always behave

like this. Metaprograms may change over time, according to

different contexts. Therefore, be observant and flexible; do
not attach yourself to one metaprogram when you discover

that, for example, a person close to you is detail-oriented.

There might also be some individuals who are not completely