Page 126 - Fearless Leadership

Victim Mentality and Playing Small 113

What Price Am I Paying in Being a Victim of Circumstances?
Just as you receive payoffs when you engage in victim mentality, you also
pay a price. What is the cost of your behavior on yourself and others?
Examples:
• “I neglect my health and well-being.”
• “I am discouraged and frustrated, which impacts my coworkers
and family.”
• “I am underperforming by my standards. I know I can do much
more.”
• “I am not motivated or excited about the future.”
• “I feel emotionally drained. I am running on empty.”
• “I feel alone and misunderstood.”

Once you recognize that you are engaged in victim mentality, you have
two choices: (1) continue to be right and remain stuck in defending and
justifying your behavior, or (2) take accountability and expand your per-
sonal context and results.

LEADERSHIP ACTION
Rewrite Your Story and Create a Different Ending

Identify a circumstance in which you have become trapped in victim men-
tality. With a coworker (or team), apply the following steps:
Step 1. Tell your story with all the details that describe how you have been
wronged, treated unfairly, or have been unappreciated. Hold nothing back,
and express all your frustration, upset, and disappointment. At the end, ask
your partners how your story impacted them. Were they persuaded and
ready to be your co-conspirators, or did they recoil as they heard you take
the victim role?
Step 2. Retell the same story, but now cast yourself as a fearless leader
instead of a victim. Do this by (1) presenting the facts only (what actu-
ally happened) and deleting your victim interpretation; (2) eliminating
all blame (including blaming yourself, others, or circumstances); (3) tak-
ing accountability for how your action (or lack of action) contributed to
the situation; and (4) letting go of your need to be right and focusing on