Page 221 - Fearless Leadership

208 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

ble agent for how others respond to your communication. Everything you
communicate must be consistent with your agreements as committed part-
ners and with your stand for the success of one another.
Being emotionally honest is powerful. People cannot argue with how
you feel, but they can always argue with your point of view or position.
When you are emotionally honest, everyone listens. In observing leaders
speaking to large and small groups, it is easy to see when the audience
believes the leader is speaking from the heart and talking straight. The
moment the leader talks directly about the “real” issue and self-discloses
his or her experience, the room changes, and the audience transforms from
being passively engaged to sitting on the edge of their seats.
For instance, Sharon, the head of human resources, said to a large group
of leaders, “I have two conflicting concerns about speaking to you today:
I’m both nervous and confident. I’m nervous that I will not live up to your
expectations. And I’m confident that I don’t have to because I know I’ll
get your candid feedback either way.” Sharon’s communication was
authentic. Instead of trying to pretend that she was not nervous, she told
others exactly what she was experiencing. People listen when you include
them in what you are feeling, not just in what you are thinking.
To master talking straight responsibly, you must be willing to self-dis-
close and speak from your heart. Using logic or intellect to mask what is
really going on builds walls between you and others. For most people it is
much easier to hedge and say, “I need more information before I can give
you my answer,” than to say, “I need to feel confident that you’re commit-
ted to this course of action, and I’m unsure about where you stand.”
What we normally call straight talk is an intellectual message contain-
ing logic and facts that has little to do with how people are emotionally
engaged and motivated. When you feel concerned, disappointed, or upset,
you need to state what you are feeling in a responsible manner, not pre-
tend that everything is fine. Your behavior and words send a message. People
are amazingly resilient, supportive, and results driven when they emotion-
ally connect with you and feel included as your committed partner.

Be Precise and Speak Responsibly
An area in which leaders often run into difficulty is when they react to a
crisis or urgent need by using generalizations, such as all, everyone,