Page 225 - Fearless Leadership

212 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

We had just begun working with the company, and the exchange
between Henrik and Samantha, we later learned, was typical of the caus-
tic interactions in the leadership group. Samantha was livid with Henrik’s
biting retort and stewed over it for days. She finally picked up the phone
and called one of our consultants, Ed, and asked for coaching. Ed told
Samantha to stop avoiding the conversation with Henrik and talk straight
with him.
“Great. I’d like to give him a piece of my mind and let him know what
a jerk he is and how he was way out of line. How does that sound?” asked
Samantha.
“Like a lot of rubbish,” said Ed. “That’s the easy way out, not the respon-
sible one. You need to talk to Henrik immediately, but don’t go in blowing
off steam. Start the conversation by acknowledging how difficult things must
be for him. Let Henrik know you recognize how hard it must be for him
to maintain a positive attitude every day and help others remain focused.”
“But that has nothing to do with what I’m upset about. I thought we
were supposed to talk straight instead of sugarcoating everything,” retorted
Samantha.
“No one is asking you to sugarcoat anything. I’m talking about how you
can take accountability and establish a positive context for the conversa-
tion so you get the result you want. Dumping your anger and letting Henrik
know how ticked off you are is not responsible straight talk,” explained Ed.
“OK, let me see if I understand this,” challenged Samantha. “You’re
telling me to focus on his concerns and forget about mine?”
“No, I’m not telling you to forget about your concerns,” Ed rejoined.
“We haven’t gotten that far yet. I’m talking about how to open the con-
versation. You cannot have a productive conversation until you take
accountability first, before you communicate what you want from others.
But if you want to try it your way, go ahead, and call me with the results.”
“All right, I get the point,” Samantha relented, “but this is an unusual
approach. I’m the one who’s ticked off, Henrik’s the one who acted like
a jerk, and I’m supposed to take accountability?”
“Yup, and that’s the first time I’ve heard you describe what 100%-zero
accountability means. No one said this was easy; it’s extraordinary behav-
ior. I know you would like nothing more than to rip Henrik’s head off. But
I’m not interested in what you like; I’m interested in your being effective.