Page 227 - Fearless Leadership

214 FEARLESS LEADERSHIP

with Ed. Your coach will help you separate your interpretation from the
facts. Your job is to trust that your coach can see the situation more clearly
than you can, especially when you are reacting. Before you have a straight
talk conversation, make sure you are taking accountability for your reac-
tion, and not blaming the other party.
To master talking straight responsibly, you must (1) recognize there is
an unresolved issue and (2) take action and communicate immediately
when something is off track. Have the courage to communicate despite
your discomfort and put all issues on the table. But do not fall into the
trap of using the cooling-off period as an excuse for postponing or not hav-
ing a difficult conversation. Handle your reaction and communicate as
close to the event as possible. Unresolved issues escalate when they are
not discussed.
When delivering your message, talk in first person (“I feel something
in our partnership is off”) and eliminate blame statements (“You appar-
ently disagree with my strategy”). By taking accountability for how you
speak, you will keep the conversation from becoming a debate, or worse,
an all-out war.
When you choose to be a “bigger” person, you can let go of who should
apologize first or who is the bigger jerk, and then be accountable for how
you contributed to the breakdown or problem. You always have a choice
to either play small and be petty or play big and rise above your automatic
behavior.
By starting with your commitment, you provide a context for the con-
versation. You are answering questions such as these:

• What is the purpose of the conversation?
• What do I want to accomplish?
• How do I want to leave the other person feeling?
• What actions do I want as a result of this conversation?

Ask for Permission to Talk Straight and Resolve
the Breakdown
After you establish the context and take accountability, but before you jump
into the breakdown, ask permission to have a straight talk conversation. Ask:
“Would you be willing to discuss what happened in our last meeting?”