Page 226 - Fearless Leadership

Talking Straight Responsibly 213

That means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, taking account-
ability for how you reacted in the meeting, and sharing how that impacted
you, in that order,” Ed said.
Samantha learned the first step in talking straight responsibly: take
accountability and start with your commitment to the relationship. She
had the conversation with Henrik and instead of attacking him, as she
wanted to do, she started by saying: “I did not communicate effectively
the other day in our meeting when I questioned your commitment, and
I did not take into account how much pressure you are under. I’m sure I
left you feeling that I did not support you.” Henrik jumped in and said,
“I’m glad you came by. I didn’t feel good about what I said to you and I
wanted to apologize.”
Henrik and Samantha talked openly and she expressed how she was
impacted and said, “Thank you for your apology. I was upset by what you
said. And even though I knew you were reacting to my inappropriate com-
ment, I felt that there was something else behind your words. I thought
you were telling me that I was not performing up to standards. Is this what
you wanted to communicate?” Henrik was surprised by Samantha’s inter-
pretation of his comment, but understood how his words raised her doubts.
He told her that there were no performance issues but there were other
concerns that he had withheld and not discussed with her. They talked
through several issues and scheduled another meeting to resolve others.
When you take accountability first, and bring compassion for what the
other person is experiencing, you can successfully navigate any difficult
conversation.

Take Accountability and Start with Your Commitment
Talking straight responsibly is not a license to dump your concerns or com-
plaints on another person. The “responsible” part requires that you be
direct and look at the situation in question from a perspective that is greater
than your own. When you step into the shoes of another person and
express your concern for his or her welfare, it opens the door to an open
and honest conversation.
Nothing is advanced by heated emotions and sharp retorts. Before you
react and say something you will later regret, ask for coaching from a com-
mitted partner, and talk through where you are stuck, as Samantha did