Page 24 - How to write effective business English your guide to excellent professional communication by Fiona Talbot

Business writing for today 13

● ● they can feel so angered by correspondence that, where they can
do so, they’ll walk away from the business concerned;

● ● they dislike unnecessary jargon (words or expressions used by a
particular profession or group that may be difficult for others to
understand), over-complicated sentences and confusing use of
words;
● ● they are offended when their personal details are incorrect.
Do re-read this list from time to time. Never lose sight of how read-
ers may react. I’ll deal with all these aspects of writing in this book
but will just highlight one of the most common now. It’s this: what
do you think the lack of the ‘human touch’ in writing could mean?
Is it the fact that business writers actively avoid using ‘people’
words such as ‘you’ and ‘we’? Let me demonstrate. A company
writes to a client on the following lines:

Dear Sir

Re: Policy XYZ

It has come to the company’s attention that the aforementioned
policy that is about to expire has not yet been renewed. I enclose
a renewal form, which you need to return within seven days,
otherwise you will no longer be afforded cover.

Yours faithfully

John Smith

Smith and Co

Some companies still use this stilted, old-fashioned English and I
cannot imagine why. Especially now, as we live in a world where
customers increasingly expect to feel the personal touch – and to
feel valued. So let’s redesign the message, using people words and
more modern English.