Page 27 - How to write effective business English your guide to excellent professional communication by Fiona Talbot

16 How to Write Effective Business English

CASE STUDY Choosing the right style

One major supermarket chain issued a product recall. They had
discovered that an axe they sold had a design fault. The head could
become detached from the handle.
The retailer decided to ditch the old-fashioned approach to a
product recall notice, which in the past might have started:

A decision has been taken to recall (description of product) as it has been
found to be faulty. Please return the product immediately for a refund... (full
details of method...).

Instead, they decided to refresh their style and the product recall
notice included these words:

Our (product details) axe would be fantastic apart from the fact that the
head can become detached from the handle. Quite clearly, this is not on so
we have decided that you need to know. Thankfully no one has been hurt.
(They then go on to detail how customers can get a refund).

The recall ends with ‘It goes without saying... we’re very sorry indeed.’
What do you think of this approach? At first sight, many people quite
like it. When they read on, they often change their mind, finding the
style too light-hearted for a potentially highly dangerous scenario. And
how does the retailer know that nobody has been hurt, just because
they hadn’t been notified before they posted the recall?
Effective business writing has to ‘think ahead’ for all sorts of
possibilities – and adopt the right style for the situation as well as the
audience.
You are likely to see contrasts in business English writing in your
company. Consider whether taking a middle course, a median between
an overly formal or overly informal style, might work best, to avoid
unnecessarily confusing styles.