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284 Just Promoted!

job change to his or her mate, with so much pressure that the spouse or
partner feels obligated to go along, despite how he or she may feel.
■ They fail to get help from outside the family for domestic maintenance
and children’s needs. Third-party help often becomes essential to help
families cope with the change in the household’s day-to-day operations.
■ They don’t plan for emergencies and don’t have backup plans for situa-
tions that are not part of regular (and almost always harried) schedules.
Typical disrupting events are sickness, trips out of town, and unantici-
pated late days at the office.
■ They don’t take time to get away from the pressures and recharge their
relationship together.

Suggestions for Helping Dual-Career Families Cope during Periods of Transition
■ The cornerstone of successful dual-career families is mutual respect for
each other’s careers and collaboration and support between the partners.
■ Maintaining dual careers requires cooperation, not competition.
■ Communication needs to be free of secret agendas. It should be open
and clear. If one is feeling something, it should be said, no matter how
trivial or selfish it may seem. Better to state feelings before the transition
than afterward and in the eye of the storm.
■ Uprooting often causes guilt. Guilt is predictable. Face it head on and
talk it out.
■ Keep the emphasis on flexibility, creativity, innovation, compromise, and
commitment to problem solving. Look for win-win solutions.
■ If relocation is necessary, carefully plan a process to reestablish both
careers as part of the decision for one partner to accept a new position.
Progressive employers know this is an issue today, and they often help
the spouse or partner make a successful move.
■ In advance, agree not to accept new positions, despite the benefits for
one partner, if the disadvantages for the other partner or for other family
members are too severe.
■ Explore the new community together.
■ If children are involved in relocation, or if one or both parents are going to
be spending more time on work because of a promotion, plan for special
time with children, individually and together with brothers and sisters.
■ Provide for outside help with household, maintenance, and child-
rearing needs.