Page 106 - stephen covey The seven habits of highly effective people

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want.
When there is no sense of contest or competition, win is probably the most common approach in
everyday negotiation. A person with the win mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends --
and leaving it to others to secure theirs.

Which Option Is Best?

Of these five philosophies discussed so far -- win-win, win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose, and win --
which is the most effective? The answer is, "It depends." If you win a football game, that means the
other team loses. If you work in a regional office that is miles away from another regional office, and
you don't have any functional relationship between the offices, you may want to compete in a win-lose
situation to stimulate business. However, you would not want to set up a win-lose situation like the
"Race to Bermuda" contest within a company or in a situation where you need cooperation among
people or groups of people to achieve maximum success.
If you value a relationship and the issue isn't really that important, you may want to go for lose-win
in some circumstances to genuinely affirm the other person. "What I want isn't as important to me as
my relationship with you. Let's do it your way this time." You might also go for lose-win if you feel
the expense of time and effort to achieve a win of any kind would violate other higher values. Maybe
it just isn't worth it.
There are circumstances in which you would want to win, and you wouldn't be highly concerned
with the relationship of that win to others. If your child's life were in danger, for example, you might
be peripherally concerned about other people and circumstances. But saving that life would be
supremely important.
The best choice, then, depends on reality. The challenge is to read that reality accurately and not to
translate win-lose or other scripting into every situation.
Most situations, in fact, are part of an interdependent reality, and then win-win is really the only
viable alternative of the five.
Win-lose is not viable because, although I appear to win in a confrontation with you, your feelings,
your attitudes toward me and our relationship have been affected. If I am a supplier to your company,
for example, and I win on my terms in a particular negotiation, I may get what I want now. But will
you come to me again? My short-term win will really be a long-term lose if I don't get your repeat
business. So an interdependent win-lose is really lose-lose in the long run.
If we come up with a lose-win, you may appear to get what you want for the moment. But how
will that affect my attitude about working with you, about fulfilling the contract? I may not feel as
anxious to please you. I may carry battle scars with me into any future negotiations. My attitude
about you and your company may be spread as I associate with others in the industry. So we're into
lose-lose again. Lose-lose obviously isn't viable in any context.
And if I focus on my own win and don't even consider your point of view, there's no basis for any
kind of productive relationship.
In the long run, if it isn't a win for both of us, we both lose. That's why win-win is the only real
alternative in interdependent realities.
I worked with a client once, the president of a large chain of retail stores, who said, "Stephen, this
win-win idea sounds good, but it is so idealistic. The tough, realistic business world isn't like that.
There's win-lose everywhere, and if you're not out there playing the game, you just can't make it."
"All right," I said, "try going for win-lose with your customers. Is that realistic?"
"Well, no," he replied.
"Why not?"